The Parable of the Sushi Coupon

First of all, here’s a surefire way to conquer writer’s block; buy an iPhone. I downloaded the WordPress app, and being able to post when a thought strikes is awesome (plus the iPhone keyboard encourages brevity).

On to today’s topic.

My wife and I have been wanting to go out for sushi for many weeks, but due to the time and budget constraints of having a new baby, it’s been difficult to get out.

We’d made up our minds to go tonight, and planned to go to a nearby place that is not amazing, but a known quantity.

In the mail today, we received a flyer for a new sushi place near our house, offering 20% off any order. Two things scared me: 1) messing with an unknown, new restaurant serving raw fish, and 2) that this restaurant’s poorly-designed flyer needed to offer 20% off to draw customers.

So why did we end up at the unknown restaurant?

It wasn’t a sense of adventure. It was the 20% coupon, precisely the thing that turned me off at first. The idea of cheaper sushi compelled us there.

We werent the only ones; the place was more packed than any new restaurant I’ve seen. I doubt this new sushi place anticipated the result they got; as a marketer, I sure wouldn’t have. But in a tough economy, people don’t give up the things they want, they just look to pay less for them.

In this age of social media and “viral marketing”, it’s important to remember not to look down on the less flashy stuff.

There are lots of ways to make money in a down economy, but if you’re asking how you can help people save money on the things they’re already planning on buying, it’s not a bad start.

And the sushi was excellent.

The Age of Lying is Over.

First, watch this unbelievably awesome video.

Today, I had a fantastic, revelatory day on an entirely new scale for me. And legally, I may never be able to disclose exactly how it went down, but suffice it to say I am thinking about the way I choose to work in this age where everyone’s connected. Now that information is contagious, lies no longer have the power to prop up a bad business, at least not for long.

Remember Extenze? Enzyte? Superjuices that are 95% grape juice and 5% bullshit? It’s over. If you were doing those things for a living, I hope you made enough to retire. You can still lie, but they’re uncovered in hours, not years.

Of course we all want to put ourselves in the best light, but being forthright (especially mixed with a dash of humor) lets people know you don’t take yourself too seriously, and are probably trustworthy in other areas.

A few years ago, I told a job interviewer exactly how I had been recently fired, and why I deserved it. I tried to handle it with humor and grace, but on the way home, I got the sick, panicky feeling that I’d over-shared. I got a call back letting me know that everyone was talking about “the fired guy”, and I got the job.

In the case of this amazing video, it took a fan to shine a hilarious and honest light on Trader Joe’s. (Let’s see if Trader Joe’s has the chutzpah to hire this guy to do an entire series.) Let’s be our own fans and look at the experience we provide from the outside in, and share the good with the bad, as long as the bad doesn’t outweigh the good. And if it does, we’ve got problems marketing won’t fix.

(From Boing Boing)

English Is Murdered at 943 Years Old

Why? WHY?

English is dead, murdered, at the blood-stained hands of Corporate America.

As a video game enthusiast, I ran across this article regarding recent Microsoft Layoffs.

“The realignments of headcount are directly intended to strengthen the Xbox 360 platform and align resources with key strategic initiatives, including Xbox LIVE.”

If I were to try to remember how we used to speak, I think the Microsoft spokesperson was trying to say:

“We fired a ton of people, but we tried to not fire the people responsible for the profitable stuff like Xbox Live.”

But I don’t know, it’s been so long since I’ve read English that this Orwellian Newspeak is almost starting to make sense to me.

English will be missed, and is survived by its children, TXT, LOLSpeak, and Jargon.

This Is Why We Proofread, Apple.

I was perusing the new features of iMovie ’09, and discovered this remarkably stupid grammatical error.

Bush league, Apple. Bush league!

I’m compiling pet peeves an upcoming post rounding up writing mistakes that make companies and people look stupid, but I never would have thought a marketing-obsessed megacorp would perpetrate one of them.

Yeah, Sure, Blame the Economy.

First off, I am so glad to be blogging again. My last post was the day before my first child was born, and babies, as it turns out, are a “disruptive technology”. 

I’ve collected a lot of thoughts and decided on a more personal direction for the blog (at least for now). Rather than regurgitate and link out to things on the Web I find interesting, I’ll post more thoughts about what inspires me in the world of writing, marketing, and life in general.

This evening I went to the local grocery store and was shocked. It looked as if a hurricane were bearing down on us: empty shelves, disheveled aisles, wide open spaces where goods were once jockeying for my attention.

There’s no other sensation quite like depression, and that’s precisely the feeling that bore down on me as I traversed the aisles, looking (in vain) for Size 2 Huggies. Each empty shelf added to the melancholy, until I could only imagine a new version of that littering commercial, with Alan Greenspan shedding a single tear as consumers drive past an empty store.

What happened? Flyers near the exit told no more of the story than “Goodbye as of February 23.” I think I can fill in the blanks.

Albertson’s was the closest supermarket to our home. It’s right on a main road in a residential area, and one block from a new I-15 onramp/offramp that’s being built. This is prime real estate for a grocery store.

It wasn’t particularly dated, either; clean, late-90’s decor, and good upkeep lent a trustworthiness to the meat and produce that other, decades-older stores in the area seemed to lack.

But the explanation for this store’s demise (and I forsee more) is simple: Albertson’s gambled against the customer and lost. In a robust economy, they noticed that with “Preferred Savings” cards and yellow “look at the price” labels everywhere, customers didn’t notice when they nudged prices on staple goods ever higher.

Plus, every week I’d go in and a specialty brand or variety I used to purchase had been eliminated, losing a battle for shelf space with the generic Kroger brand. So instead of 24 varieties of soup, there are 12. It wasn’t just soup, it was any item that seemed to sell well. Selection tanked while prices rose to an insane degree. In a robust economy, people aren’t watching as closely, and Albertson’s took advantage of the situation in a move to boost quarterly profits at the literal expense of the customer.

I use a simple indicator for a store’s general sense of value: What’s the everyday price on a 12-pack of Coke, Dr. Pepper, or Pepsi? At Smith’s, it’s typically $3.50. At Harmon’s, it’s $4. At Albertson’s, they had, over the course of 5 years, jacked it up to near $8. You could walk out to the vending machine and buy individual cans of soda for less!

The saddest part is that this and other future closures will be blamed on the economy, no lessons will be learned, and the executive staff at Albertson’s/Kroger will continue to insulate themselves from the needs and feelings of their customers, until they are out on their collective asses, wondering what went wrong.

I’m not saying there are no real victims of this economic downturn, but I’ll bet that out of 4 businesses that shut down and blame it, 3 are victims of mismanagement, bad business models, or sheer hubris.

What’s the lesson? For starters, stop screwing your customers over. You know who you are. Your prices are too high. Your service isn’t good enough. I can promise that the customer doesn’t share the sense of value you think you’re offering with your product.

Old justifications of value don’t work, because suddenly, we’re all on a fixed income. Everyone’s looking for a NET COST SAVINGS: How can I pay less next month than I paid last month?

Second, if you’re selling a commodity, you’d better be darn sure you’re priced in accordance with other avenues the customer will take. Because right now, customers will take those avenues, loyalty or convenience be damned.

I’m confident that we as a nation will weather the storm. My hope for myself and for you is that we have the wisdom to quickly learn the lessons necessary to prosper during the downturn and to retain them when it’s over.